A Decade Under the Influence
by Underneath All Elsewhere
Summary: The long overdue companion piece to Her Name Is Erika's "Neurotic." Chase centric. Lyrics and songs property of Taking Back Sunday. Rated for swearing, sexual themes, drug use and alcoholism.
1. part i

**Summary: **After doing two things at once one too many times, Chase Matthews must face the facts.**

* * *

**

**"A Decade Under the Influence"**

**i.** S_ad, small, sure and porcelain... you're skin and bones I'm a nervous wreck...._

With each thrust, I give more effort, and I get a new sound in return. It's like some sort of symphony, and it's so loud, I can't even hear myself. The thoughts racing through my overstuffed mind. Shallow breaths coming and going faster as I feel myself slowing down. Beady streams of sweat pooling and dripping from my damp face to hers.

"Chase...." she groans, and then I get a firm, bruising grip on both of her hips with my clammy, pale hands. "Mmm...." she mumbles, and I know she's almost reached her breaking point. My grip tightens effortlessly, and she parts her lips, so I kiss her. No tongue, just lips on lips – I don't want to get into this attachment thing, not when Zoey and I have been trying to get pregnant for ages.

A scream shatters my incoherent wonders, and her head practically makes an imprint in the pillow. One last good hard thrust and I am officially spent. My arms haven't completely given out, though, so I hold myself up. There I am, hovering, but not suffocating due to the fact that we're both struggling to get air to reach our lungs.

Kissing the top of her forehead, I lower my body onto hers and she smiles with glee. She's glowing. Like she always does with me, and I do her. We have the rare satisfaction of always glowing together. Even though she knows how much I hate post-coital cuddling, she snuggles her head into the side of my neck anyway. Sighing, I do my best to move my arms so she'll get the hint, but as usual, she doesn't.

"I don't have the cigarettes today..." she starts, hesitance edging her words. "But I _do_ have something much better." Smiling up at me, the sweat on her forehead glistening like crystals, she turns away for a moment, reaching into a drawer to get something. She rustles around with it a bit before she reveals what it is.

"I'm not into that hard shit," I grumble, praying that it's not cocaine.

"Don't worry babe," she reassures me, tossing the bag onto the bed. She moves it so it's resting in the space between us. That's when I look down and realize that she's managed to score about fifteen ounces of marijuana.

"When did you-? How-? Where-?" I stammer, totally confused.

"Look Chase, I love you. I want to be with you..." she glances down at the tan line on the ring finger of my left hand. "I want you to accept me. So let's just light up and chill, all right?"

Nodding slowly, I swallow the lump forming in my throat. It had begun taking shape out of my nervousness and regret and my ever-changing state of mind. Every time I came over and we ended up in bed, she always said it – those three words – quickly and easily, rolling off her tongue like water. It was nothing new, but it was also nothing safe. Sometimes I felt pressured to return the favor, and now was one of those times. But I couldn't just throw away everything I'd built up with Zoey. Since eighth grade year to now was too much.

"Well, where's the lighter?" I ask, even though I know the crack in my voice was obvious.

"Are you okay?" she wonders, rolling up the grass into little white folds of paper. "Here." She hands me the first one, and I'm acting like I'm unsure of what to do with it. It's like I'm twelve or thirteen all over again, sitting there trying to figure out how to masturbate. Nothing has felt this awkward since the first time we fucked.

After she's done rolling her joint, I whisper, "I can't do this." Suddenly, I feel sick and I jump out of the bed I share with my wife and race to the nearby bathroom. Slamming the door behind me, I turn all three lights on and stare into the mirror. Then I lean down into the sink, splashing my face with cold water. What the hell had I gotten myself into? How many times was I going to have sex with another woman before I finally just made it obvious that I was cheating? What if Zoey already suspected me?

"Chase!" she calls, ridiculously oblivious to the fact that I'm actually starting to feel guilty. The first time it happened we were both drunk and thought nothing of it. Hangovers can sometimes equal amnesia, especially if you're trying hard to forget. The second and third times we started a pattern. She'd seduce me at work, ask for a ride, try to flirt with me. All the things that single twenty somethings probably do on the job. Unfortunately, I'm no longer single. It's also rather unfortunate that it feels like I'm single. I've been married for two years; I should know better than to let a petty weakness get in my way. "Hurry up! What's going on there?" There's a knock at the door, and I decide that I'm going to face the facts once and for all. Opening the door, I step out of the bathroom.

Handing me the lit joint, she smirks. "I'm already getting a buzz."

"Ooh, sounds like fun," I respond, getting back into my groove. Putting the other end of the joint to my lips, I take a long, deep drag. This is usually when I go into my therapeutic mode, trying to erase all of my bullshit moves. Now is also the time I wish Logan was working on this particular project with us. He would have never let me go home with Lola that first night. All this would have never happened, and I wouldn't have these feelings.

"I wanted to tell you something, Chase. It's important." As usual, I'm only half listening. I nod, and she continues. "I told you in the beginning that I wasn't going to go on the pill, and you don't usually use condoms." If she said the 'p' word, I was going to die. Right then and there, on the floor, I would be passed out. All pasty white skin, sweat and bones. Nothing left to it.

"So...." I motion for her to get to the fucking point already.

"For the last couple of days, I've been slightly sick at work...," she pauses. "I know you noticed. I went to the pharmacy and got a test. I haven't taken it yet, but I don't-"

"Hold the fuck up, Lola! You _wanted_ this! You wanted me to fucking knock you up because you thought if that happened I'd leave my wife. Well, that's just too fucking bad because I'm _not_ doing it!" My ears were definitely alert now.

"We talked about this before we actually started sleeping together, Chase. You knew." Her voice breaks, and she buries her face in her hands. She has half of the sheets wrapped around her body, but I can still see her. Her body is engraved into my mind. Just absolutely beautiful. Everything I'd imagined losing my virginity would be like. She was the perfect lay.

After Rebecca's bitchiness got to be too much for me, I went and hooked up with Lola. Not all the way, we were a little young back then, but it was amazing. Her fingers tugged on my curls the right way, her lips tasted like mangoes and strawberries, her extra small boobs pressed into me just right and when she climbed into my lap, I instantly got hard. I knew that when we finally did the deed, it would blow my mind – and it did. It just shouldn't have happened this way.

"I don't know if I am, I don't know if I'm not. All I can say is that if you still want to be with both of us, you're going to have to make drug store pit stops before and after... I don't know! It just can't work like this anymore. You were just a rebound after Vince, and now look what this has all turned into." With a sigh, she inhales the smoke coming off the end of her joint. "You're going to have to make a choice soon."

"Who says I haven't?" I hopped out of the bed and began putting my clothes on. I was definitely going to return home now – for _good_.

* * *

**ii.** _I've got a bad feeling about this, I've got a bad feeling about this...._

The sound of the basketball hitting the glossy court floor below my feet startled me as Michael passed me the ball. "We haven't shot hoops in a while. What's been going on, brotha?"

I just grinned. Michael Barrett hadn't changed one bit since the first day of sixth grade. It was touching to know that we'd been friends for over a decade. "Nothing much, broth_er_," I replied, mocking his "cool slang."

"I mean, how's the band coming along?" Michael reiterated, making a basket while barely glancing up. "Has Talent Absent had a real hit yet? Or do you guys need Mikey B.'s hard hitting beats to glam up your style?" He began throwing his arms in the air, imitating raising the roof. "Shake it like a Polaroid picture!"

"Nah, gangster. We don't need your rapping to score us radio play. We just need a bassist." Staring at the ground, I wondered how Michael always managed to keep a smile on his face about things. I wished I could do the same right about now.

"I know some people who could help you out if you guys are holding auditions," Michael suggested, almost tripping me while he went to catch a layup.

"Right now, I just need to focus on my family life, dude. Things aren't going so well with me and Zoey," I finally admitted, grabbing at my dark curls with my left hand. If I ripped my hair out, it probably wouldn't even hurt that badly.

"What's up?" Michael asked, coming to a complete stop. He always had his ears open. Although he was still panting slightly, and the sweat glistened off of his forehead like crystals, he was ready for me to spill.

"I don't know how to put this, but Zoey and I haven't been able to get pregnant," I said, my voice beginning to shake. Since Michael was a devout Christian, I wasn't sure how he was going to take this kind of news. "And I've been sleeping with another woman."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I know that it must be hard if you want kids and can't get them right away, but... Chase it's going to take time. And you know Zoey doesn't deserve that... right?"

"I mean, yeah I do. It's just that it's hard, Mike. You wouldn't understand."

"Oh, I wouldn't? I mean, I'm not a father yet. But I respect the fact that Lisa's not ready. I was willing to wait for her before we got married and I'll be waiting with her until the end. Chase, I thought you guys were solid when you tied the knot. And this cheating? What's up with that?" Without looking at him, I could already tell he was getting angry. Since his mom had gotten cheated on when he was a little boy, Michael thought this kind of shit was unforgivable.

My best friend in the world had to be against cheating. Fuck it. All the people in my life were going to leave once they found out about me and Lola, that was for damn sure. "I didn't mean for it to happen that way, Mike. She just invited me back to her place, and we both got a little tipsy. Then she went down on me and then we slept together. It was as simple as that."

"Look bro, I can understand mistakes. But I get the feeling that this hasn't happened only once." I finally worked up the courage to stare Michael down head on. All those years of friendship meant he could see right through me. Transparency was somewhat of an understatement.

"That's because it's been going on for the past two months, Michael. I just can't stop. You know addictions? That's what it feels like." I rubbed at my eyes, even though I had no reason to. Maybe I just wanted to use my hands. Make it seem like that could cause the guilt to vanish. I was a soon-to-be goner.

"So you're a sex addict?" Michael inquired, peering into my eyes. Looking away, I nodded.

"I guess so, man."

"May I ask who this woman is?" There it was. The question I'd been dreading for the longest time. Now it wasn't even funny. I was fucking two chicks at once and the shit was about to hit the fan. Of course Michael wasn't going to be cool with this answer, and neither was Dustin. Logan would probably take it as joke, not even worrying about my marriage or my integrity.

"I know you're not going to like this, but it's..." I left the thought incomplete, hanging there in the air like my dirty laundry. "It's..." I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"Someone I know?" Michael guessed, wiping the sweat from his forehead. Even _he_ knew this was getting more and more intense. Kind of like a teen drama, or a soap opera.

Nodding, I swallowed the lump in my throat. I didn't move. "The woman I'm cheating on Zoey with is Lola." It was out in the open. Someone besides me and her knew the truth. Wait for it, wait for it....

"Chase... What the fuck, dude?" Michael shouted, his words bouncing off the ceiling and the walls of the gym. This was a bombshell for him, too. He rarely ever cursed, and he'd just said the 'f' word. Damn me and my raging hormones. I wasn't a teenager anymore, and I'd waited until after I'd gotten hitched to sow my wild oats.

When I didn't say anything else, I could feel Michael's eyes on me. He was waiting, but not patiently. "So you're serious?" Laughter rung in my ears next. "Gosh, this is some real news."

"You can't tell," I warned, trying to sound like I had some sort of authority over him.

"Zoey's my friend, Chase. I wouldn't be able to look at her and not say anything. Especially not when I know that you two are married and you're screwing around with _Lola_, of all people, behind her back." Head in his hands, Michael turned his back to me. "Do you not feel _guilty_?" He yelled. "You're just standing there. Gosh, you're just..._ pathetic_ now, Chase."

"So you're not coming to our party on Saturday, then?" I wondered, my throat starting to tighten. My body was heating up, and my breath seemed to have gotten stuck somewhere in my esophagus.

"No!" Michael shouted in response, throwing the basketball we'd been shooting hoops with up against the wall. "I can't face either of you now, Chase."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Michael. But this is my life and I will-"

"You'll what? Sleep with whoever you want? Cheat whenever you want? Tell people and give them loads to carry on their backs?" Michael launched the questions at me like they were bullets. Boy, was I getting gunned down.

"If you can't accept this then...." I stopped, catching myself before I threw away this everlasting friendship. But I had to say it. "Then go to hell, Barrett," I spat, turning around to walk away. I knew I wasn't going to leave without some conservative conscious bullshit comment about infidelity and what the Bible says.

"Trust me, Matthews. With your behavior, I'm not sure I'm the one who'll be going to hell in the end!" Michael told my retreating back.

Looks like my soul was gone.

* * *

**iii.** _Who's to say you have to go? I could go all night...._

"Chase, my man!" Logan greeted me with a handshake and a thump on the back. "What's been going down? Other than extramarital affairs I mean." With a smirk, he sat back down on his bar stool and ordered me a gin and tonic.

"How hammered _are_ you, Reese?" I asked, taking the stool next to him. His entourage must have skipped out on him tonight. Or maybe they'd gone home. It was one in the morning and I was just arriving. This was the only place I could go besides Lola's apartment to get away. Forget my cares. Hurt my wife without her being aware that she was getting thrown under the bus.

"About as hammered as a nail in a wall," Logan slurred, his eyes already turning a shade of pink. "I heard you and Michael hung out today. How'd it go?"

"How did it go? More like how it _didn't_ go. He got all pissy with me and cursed me out over my lack of morals and values, basically. I really wanted a drink or a smoke or a cup of coffee or anything after I told him. I get the feeling that if he could, he'd tell Zoey. Or at least ask Lisa to ask her about it. Or question how our marriage is going. I don't know. I'm talking too much. What about you?" Before I could get an answer, the bartender came back with my drink. I glanced over and noticed that Logan's head was practically touching his chest. Was he falling asleep on me?

"Reese!" I said, shoving at his shoulder. "Are you nodding off?"

"Damn it, Chase!" Logan shouted as his head snapped up. Maybe he was having a good dream. He claimed he always had those... especially about ladies. Going through his divorce was getting harder and harder, though. Annie wasn't acting any less bitchy about it, and Quinn had cut off the sex until after the court hearing. Logan without sex was like peanut butter without jelly. "I've been here since nine, all my other buds skipped out on me, and I'm so buzzed I just want to get the hangover done with already! Forgive me if I want to get some shuteye!"

"I just wanted to know... how did you go about you and Quinn when Annie had no idea?" I said softly, not wanting to let the bartender hear about either of our steamy double love lives.

"Listen Chase. I know you can't choose between Zoey and Lola. But the key is to keep it cool. If you don't, you'll blow your own cover. You can't let the guilt get to you."

"Well, that's easy for you to say. You were never a nice person," I said, raising the glass to my lips. I took a nice, long sip and then felt my throat burning. Fuck. This was bad. Now I wasn't even used to alcohol. When had Zoey chopped my balls off in my sleep? "No offense," I added, in case Logan could get suddenly violent when drunk.

"None taken. After all, look who's the hypocrite now." Grabbing the glass from my hand, Logan tipped his head back and downed it all in one gulp. "Three more where that came from," Logan yelled to the bartender, who was flipping through a magazine. "Put more gin, though!"

"Reese, you're going to get totally wasted. You can't go home to Annie like this. She will totally file for even more spousal support and you know it."

"I don't need your advice, Chase. You're in over your own head and it's a fucking joke. Get a load of yourself."

"Logan. I do consider you a friend... somewhat. I don't want you getting robbed because of your alcoholism." Even though I was serious, Logan didn't seem to believe me. One of the many perks of drinking, eh?

"Chase, my man," he began, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Your wife or your lover. It's that simple. Do you love either one? Do you love one more than the other? You're going to have to decide sooner or later. You can't avoid it."

"How do I make such a choice, though?"

Clearing his throat, Logan handed the bartender a hundred dollar bill as she came over with a whole bottle of gin and the three glasses of gin and tonic. She must love getting customers like Logan. "Thanks Tracy," he said, winking at her flirtatiously. She smiled back.

"Anything for my MVC," she replied, laughing like a horse would neigh.

"Ah, this is great," Logan declared, raising the first glass to his lips and drinking half of it at once. "You know what you have to do, Chase? Do what I did. Make a list of all the pros each girl has. Like, what she means to you and whatever. And write down the cons of leaving her and her natural annoying habits. Because I know you care about repercussions and all, while I don't. That should help you with your decision."

"Logan, it's not going to be that simple. I'm married here and so where you when you started sleeping with Quinn. You should know all the answers."

"I'm not the almighty, Chase. Trust me, that's my one limit. I don't know everything. No one does. Frankly, only you know what you're going to do. You just don't know it _yet_." He paused, contemplating his words. "If that makes sense."

"It does, in a way. I can't figure it out man. I should have stopped after the first pregnancy scare. I shouldn't have let there be a second one." Another spill. Now Logan knew I'd probably gotten Lola pregnant. This was sure to get a response out of him.

"Dude!" He yelled. "No way! Lola's got _your_ bun in the oven!" Now he was laughing. Then he was taking another sip of his gin and tonic. "I didn't even let it go that far."

"Yeah. That was my only mistake." I couldn't believe I'd just said that. Obviously the whole situation was a mistake. Cheating on my wife was sure to get me sent to hell, like Michael said in not so many words.

"Now you're royally screwed," Logan informed me, as if I wasn't sure if I was or not. "'Cause he's in too deep and he's trying to keep up above in his head, na na na na na na!" Leave it to Logan to twist around the words in a Sum 41 song to fit my situation. This was no joke.

"Man, why didn't I listen to people about condoms?" I mumbled, taking up one of Logan's gin and tonics and taking one large gulp.

"Maybe because in junior year you thought the only girl you'd be laying was Zoey!" Logan jerked around on the bar stool, slapping his thigh and spilling over with laughter. "Gosh, you're an idiot Matthews!"

"This isn't a laughing matter, Logan." Sighing, I finished off the glass of alcohol and rubbed at my temples. There was only one solution. To get hammered.

"I don't know what to tell ya, man!" Logan yelled. "All's I gotta say is...." We grabbed the remaining gin and tonics at the same time.

"Bottoms up!" Logan yelled even louder, but there couldn't have been many people left in the bar. He'd probably rented it out for the night. It was now three o' clock in the morning, after all.

_

* * *

_

**iv.** _I'm coming over but it never was enough, I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you...._

It was the next morning. I had crept into bed with Zoey. She was clutching at her stomach when I slipped in next to her, but she turned around to kiss me and smelled the alcohol on my breath. She hadn't made me breakfast this morning, so I knew she was probably upset.

"Good morning," she chirped when I walked into the kitchen. She was sitting at the kitchen table behind her laptop, probably working on a new fashion article or something.

"Hey baby," I said, walking over to her to give her a quick peck on the lips. I couldn't kiss her passionately without thinking about Lola. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, just working on a new story for the magazine. I'm kinda stuck though." Nodding, I walked over to the refrigerator and opened it. I poured myself a glass of milk, my hand shaking like a leaf.

Zoey must have noticed because she said, "Are you okay, honey?" She was such an incredible wife and when she said that, I wanted to stab myself with all the knives in the drawers. I deserved it. Why ruin such a great relationship with such a wonderful woman when things could only get worse if another person came into the picture?

"Actually, I have to tell you something," I announced, wanting her to think something was wrong and everything was fine at the same time. "It's about... us."

"Hmm... is it bad?" She inquired, rising from the hard-backed chair and approaching me. I noticed that her hands were still on her stomach.

"Is it that time of the month?" I laughed. Zoey's period always killed her. When that day rolled around, I was making cup after cup of tea for twenty four hours. Apparently she thought dealing with her menstrual cycle and letting things "flow naturally" was better than just taking some Midol. Geez.

"Actually, I miss-" She stopped suddenly, lowering her hand and looking up at me. "It's nothing."

Did I just hear her almost say that she'd _missed_ her period? Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. This wasn't the type of oh my gosh where a teenie fans herself and almost faints over some guy she thinks is "hawt." This was the type of oh my gosh where I feel like pacing and almost faint and forget that I'm supposed to be listening to Zoey because she's right in front of me....

"I don't feel like we've been spending enough time together lately," she said softly, reaching for my hand. I let her take it, and she led me out of the kitchen and into the living room. We sat down on the love seat. Damn, did she want to have sex? We hadn't done it in almost a month. Man, if we were going to do it I was going to have to pull out because I sure didn't have any rubbers....

"Where is this going?" I wondered, running my hand through her hair. I could smell her shampoo. It was way too strong, as usual. But that was the way I liked it. I liked so much about Zoey – shit, I _loved_ Zoey. She was my wife. I was doing what I was supposed to do. The problem is, if doing what's right is so hard, what are my feelings trying to tell me?

"It's going in a good direction. I just feel like you're busy producing your movies and then going out with Logan and then catching up with Michael... I mean, I write my articles from home and I barely see you. The reason I chose to work from home is because of you, Chase. In the beginning, you promised me this would be a fifty-fifty deal. I thought the only way I could be a loving wife would be if I had a great husband. And I do, it's just... I miss you, Chase." There were tears in her eyes, and I felt like punching myself in the face. I couldn't though, because then she'd _definitely_ know there was something _seriously _wrong.

"Zoey, I'm so... I'm just kind of feeling overwhelmed right now. Producing this upcoming flick is just kicking my ass. You should have come to me sooner if you felt that way, though." I leaned in for a hug, but I think she was expecting a kiss. Although I ached to taste her lips, I couldn't right now. Not when she'd just added to the weight of the guilt.

"So can we just cuddle?" She asked, letting her head drop to my shoulder.

"Sure," I agreed, wrapping one arm around her waist. This reminded me of my first and only date with Lola. Gosh, that was so many years ago, why was I thinking of it _now_?

Craning her neck, she placed a kiss just under my chin. That meant she wanted to get at least somewhat intimate. I knew I had to show some interest. I pressed my mouth to hers, and then her tongue slithered its way into my mouth. She leaned back onto the couch and I got on top of her. She began lifting up my shirt and I froze. All I saw was Lola in my head. This was too uncomfortable.

"What's wrong, Chase?" I jumped up and pulled my shirt down.

"I uh, I just remembered something. It's urgent," I lied, racing into the kitchen and dashing over to the sink. Damn it. This hurt. I splashed some cold water on my face.

I heard her follow me back into the kitchen. I didn't want her to leave me alone, but I just needed to clear my head. Too many women, so little time. "Chase? I actually have something urgent to tell you, too."

I'd been wondering why she'd been looking a little pale lately. "We finally did it!" She shouted, running over and leaping into my open arms. "I'm pregnant, baby!" Fuck, fuck, fuck. This could have happened at any other old time and I would have been fine. I would have been rejoicing, just like Zoey was.

She pulled away from me. "Something must _really _be wrong if you aren't happy dancing. We're going to be _parents_, Chase! We've wanted this for so long!" Seeing her lips spread into a wide smile and watching her face brighten, I wanted to cry. Zoey would kill me if she ever knew the real story.

Why did we have to finally conceive at the exact same time that Lola thought _she_ could be pregnant? Why did these things always happen to _me_? Was I _really_ going to become a father of two kids... _simultaneously_? How messed up was _that_? How would I take care of my two kids without either woman finding out? Wouldn't Zoey wonder why I was paying child support and what kid I was paying for? How was this going to _work_?

"No, it's just...." I clenched my fists and thought about what Logan would say. _Be a man, Matthews_. "I went to a baby store yesterday and bought a designer crib!" I lied again, my face breaking out into a wide grin that matched Zoey's. She jumped into my arms again and pressed her lips into the side of my neck.

"I love you so much, Chase," she whispered, and I felt a tear slide down into the collar of my shirt.

"I love you more Zoey," I replied hoarsely, feeling a tear slide down my own cheek.

* * *

**v.** _Anyone will do tonight, close your eyes just settle, settle... close your eyes just settle, settle...._

Dialing his number, I felt my fingers begin to tremble. Greg didn't know, of course, and I wasn't going to tell him, either. Putting the phone to my ear, I lay back on the chaise I was lounging on. Zoey was inside the house asleep, and I was poolside with a beer.

Now I needed to tell my brother he was going to be an uncle. He was sure to be excited... hopefully. When he finally picked up after four rings, I sighed. "Hey Greg."

"Hello. Who is this? And how do you know my name?"

I was shocked. Did he not have caller ID? "Uh, it's me. Chase. Your little brother....?"

"Oh, dude. I haven't heard from you in almost a year," Greg explained. I could hear laughing in the background.

"Yeah, it's just with the producing jobs and all...." I trailed off. My palms were sweaty and I didn't know why. The sound of Greg's voice had never intimidated me before.

"So because you're in Hollywood you just move on and forget about your family?" Greg finished my sentence. Not the way I was expecting, but if that's how he felt, then so be it.

"Nah, not really. It's just hard to reach you sometimes, bro."

"Yeah, whatever Chase. Just tell me what you called to tell me."

"Zoey's, um... Zoey's pregnant," I muttered.

"That's great. I know you guys have been trying to get knocked up for a while. How excited are you?"

"Very, actually. I'm going to be a _father_. That's _life changing_." Although my words sounded mature and cliché, I knew Greg wasn't buying it.

"You don't sound too happy. Is she getting on your nerves now that's she pregnant?"

"Zoey? Naw, she's perfect... as always," I reassured my brother while also reassuring myself.

"Well, that's great. I hope you guys stay together and have lots more babies, 'kay lil bro?" Greg teased.

"Sure thing," I promised. I decided to ask Greg about what was going on in his life. "So what's been happening in your life lately?"

"I had this girl who I was dating. Then she cheated on me. I walked on in them asleep in our bed together. I was crushed. But I got over it because I had to, you know what I mean? I couldn't sit and sulk over her for the rest of my life."

With a swallow, I mumbled, "Uh-huh." This situation sounded familiar. The only difference was that I wasn't in Greg's position. I was the one doing the cheating. "How did you get over it?"

"I went out to a party with my friend, Ella. She showed me some great girls I could get to know and not hook up with. We don't really discuss relationships too often since we _are_ just friends, and I met some girls that I really got to know in two hours. I formed a great relationship that wasn't based around sex. I'm in a great place in my life right now."

"So what'd you learn?"

"What is this, twenty questions?"

"No, I just..." I paused. "Never mind."

"Well, I learned I lot about myself. I learned that I need to be more keen about things. And I learned to stay away from horny younger girls." If only Greg knew that I was as serious as I could possibly be.

"That's nice. And it's a part of life that you got to experience. I've been through heartache too, ya know." I inspected my pinky nail. I'd gotten into a habit of biting it off first every time it grew back.

"Zoey ended up becoming your wife. That heartache didn't last long."

"Yeah, sure. But still. It's kinda the same isn't it?"

"Not exactly. But listen, bro. If you could do one thing and one thing only for me it would be to_ never_ cheat on a woman. The pain can seem endless once the truth is discovered, and if you were the one getting cheated on... you'd never forget how much it hurt." For a moment, I wondered if Greg could read my mind through all the satellite signals and communication wires. Maybe I should have just instant messaged him.

"I would _never_ do something like that." I laughed, as if the notion was preposterous. "You know me, bro."

"I hope I do as well as I _think_ I do," Greg said. "Anything else you wanna tell me?"

"Nope." I shook my head, as if Greg could see me. "Nothing else."

"Well, I hope you cheer up soon. And congrats again, man. Later." As soon as he'd clicked off, I shut my phone and threw it at the wall. Everyone knew my secret... or so it seemed. This is what happens when the guilt gets so heavy, the person just can't carry it around anymore. I'd let it go too far.

* * *

**vi.** _To hell with you and all your friends, to hell with you and all your friends, it's on...._

"Honey, I called Dustin over. He wanted to have drinks and celebrate, but obviously I can't." She giggled, and rubbed at her belly with both of her hands.

"Yeah, no alcoholic beverages for you missy," I fake scolded, wagging my index finger at her. I pulled her closer to me and kissed her long and hard on the mouth. I hadn't seen Lola in weeks and I was glad. Now I could kiss my wife again without feeling so guilty about where else my mouth had been.

"When is he coming over?" I asked, releasing her from my grasp.

"In about twenty minutes or so," she told me.

"What'd you cook?"

"Well, Dustin can get whatever he wants from the fridge... and I'm sure his girlfriend will only want water or something. You know how much Dustin loves models." We both laughed.

"Guess what, babe?" I walked over to the fridge and pulled out some strawberries.

"What?"

"I got some more baby stuff today."

"Ooh, that awesome!" She replied, clapping her hands together wildly. "It's unisex, right? I mean, we don't know if it's a boy or girl yet, Chase. Don't go getting too excited."

"I won't. I'm just... eager. That's all."

Washing the strawberries off in the sink, I went back to the fridge and pulled out the Cool Whip. Strawberries with whipped cream was our favorite snack, and we hadn't eaten it in a while. After I'd cut off all leaves, I walked over to the dining room table with the popcorn bowl and passed it to Zoey.

"Our favorite."

"Always has been," she started off our favorite phrase.

"Always will be," I finished it off. We used to love grapes more, but strawberries and whipped cream also works in the bedroom. Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Taking one of the strawberries into her hand, Zoey licked off all the whipped cream and then fed it to me. "Yum," I said and she smiled.

"I can't wait until we're parents. It's gonna be great."

"It sure is," I agreed.

Just then, my cell phone buzzed. It was right next to Zoey's right elbow. "Ooh, let's see who else finds my husband interesting."

"I'll take it," I said, bowing my head so she wouldn't sense that I was hiding something. If it was Lola, I was _so_ found out.

Flipping it open Zoey's eyes lit up. "You have a new text message. I'm assuming it's from Logan, so here." She handed it to me, and I breathed a long sigh of relief.

Clicking it open, I sucked in a breath. It was from Lola. _I have something to tell you... or show you maybe. You'll find out soon enough. - L _

Since she hadn't actually signed her name, Zoey might have thought it was from Logan. Still, I felt my heart pounding harder in my chest. What could she possibly be talking about?

"Um, that was interesting," I said under my breath so Zoey wouldn't hear. She was eating all the strawberries anyway, so it didn't matter.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" I took a strawberry out of the bowl and licked the whipped cream off. "I have the day off from work. But _no_ baby shopping. I want it to be a Chase and Zoey day... if that's possible." The look on my face was hopeful, like a puppy dog hoping to get a kid's leftovers under the table.

"We'll see. I mean, when _I_ was craving alone time, you wouldn't give it to_ me_. And now that I'm pregnant...." She averted her gaze and licked some whipped cream off her fingers.

"What are you talking about, Zo? I mean-"

She grinned. "Don't get all defensive, babe. I was just kidding."

"Thanks for turning my worry meter up a whole other notch," I joked, running my hand over my forehead.

Just then the doorbell rang. "Chase, can you get it? I wanna finish our snack."

"Sure, Zo." I got up and walked out of the kitchen and through the living room to the front door. When I swung it open, I got the shock of a lifetime. Standing there was Dustin, holding a bottle of Dom Pérignon. By his side was none other than... Lola Martinez. Her stomach was protruding and it was so obvious I felt my stomach stirring.

"Chase!" Dustin yelled in greeting.

"Hi Dustin. Lola," I decided to acknowledge her so she wouldn't decide to say something that could ruin my whole life.

Now Zoey was going to figure it out. Lola wasn't married, Dustin obviously wasn't _really_ her boyfriend and she was pregnant. The shit was going to have to hit the fan tonight and I didn't know what the fuck I was going to do about it.

* * *

I hope you enjoyed it! Review and tell me your thoughts please! To tie up loose ends I might make it a twoshot.


	2. Part II

Part II

**"My Blue Heaven"**

Six Months Later

**i.** _Two sides twist and then collide, you're calling off the guards... I'm coming through...._

It had been awhile since I'd felt this comfortable. With a shrug of my shoulders and a shaking of my legs, I raised my hand to grasp the brass knocker. Although the regular security guards knew my first, last and middle names, these new ones refused to believe I'd known Michael since I was eleven.

When the door swung open, I saw the butler and the maid looking all disheveled. "Mr. Matthews. We haven't seen you in a long time," Broderick rumbled in his loud baritone instead of saying good afternoon.

"Yeah, I've uh, been really busy. You know... with the producing of the movies and the band. Plus, my wife and I are about to-" Suddenly I was listening to Broderick's earthquake of a voice again.

"Mr. and Mrs. Barrett are upstairs," he interjected, finally letting me inside.

"Thanks," I replied hastily, walking through the foyer and up to the foot of the seemingly never-ending staircase. I knew Michael had an elevator around here somewhere, but I felt like running off some energy today. Taking the stairs two at a time, I jogged up until Michael saw me rushing past from the third floor entertainment room.

"Yo Chase!" He yelled, and I poked my head in. Lisa was about to take a shot at the purple ball on their pool table.

"What's up, Michael?" I shouted back, walking over to shake his hand. "And how is the lovely Mrs. Barrett doing these days?" I asked, watching as she hit the ball, pushing the orange one and the blue one into two holes on opposite sides of each other.

"Hey Chase. I'm doing great actually. And I hear you are, too." She smiled, setting her pool stick down and walking over to Michael's side of the table.

"Do you want a drink, Chase? Maybe some fine red wine, imported directly from Italy?" Michael offered and I nodded. I really need a buzz. So much had happened in the last six months, but at least he was my friend again.

"Look Chase, I know after what happened with you and Zoey... you and Michael kinda fell out. I just want you to know that I'm here in case you want to discuss your marital problems. I know that Michael would be doing the same for Zoey, so I'm doing the same for you." Gosh, Lisa was amazing. She placed her hand on top of mine in a friendly way. Her smiles were always so warm. Michael was so lucky to have her. I knew that he would never ever in a trillion years even dream about doing to her what I did to Zoey... and I just felt _that_ much worse. Everything was all my fault.

"Yeah, I know exactly why Michael felt the way he did. He had a right to. I lost all respect for myself when I... had an affair," I said, finally finding the right words. This had to be just as awkward for Lisa. Discussing my sex drive like it couldn't hear us. "As for my marriage, it's kind of hanging in the balance right now. I love Zoey so much, but I'm not sure she'll ever trust me again."

"That's really unfortunate, Chase. I wasn't there to witness the falling off the bike scene, but I remember when I first met Zoey. She was such a good friend to me. And of course, you're an amazing friend to Michael. That's why you guys made such a great match. Your friendship blossomed into a relationship right in front of my eyes. It was so magical. I know that she still loves you, and she always will. It's just hard to get over being hurt by someone you love so much." I loved Lisa's kind words and advice, but did she_ really_ understand what Zoey was going through right now? Did _I _understand what I'd put Zoey through? Probably not.

"Of course. I was devastated when she didn't appear to be catching on to my advances early on. Little did I know, all I had to do was be patient. And then I ended up getting impatient about a lot of things and now...." I trailed off, not knowing what to say. All I felt like doing was getting my hands on that red wine.

Michael returned with a full bottle. Running my tongue over my top lip, I smiled at Lisa, who walked over to Michael and took a glass from him. She filled my glass to the brim, seeming to know I had an on/off relationship with alcohol – especially when I was being shunned. Alcohol was the one thing that wouldn't ever shun me, no matter how I was feeling at the time. "Thanks, Leese."

"No problems, Mr. Matthews. How about a toast?" She proposed, just as I'd raised the glass to my lips to take my first sip.

"Sure," I replied, being careful not to slosh any onto the very precise russet colored carpeting below. Damn, if she didn't hurry the fuck up I was going to melt into a puddle here.

As she finished pouring herself a glass, Lisa raised her hand into the air and Michael and I followed suit. "I think we should toast to... love," she announced. "To finding it, keeping it, and holding onto it for dear life." We clinked our glasses together very carefully, and then I felt like I had ants in my pants. I was finally going to get drunk! Hell yes!

"Chase, can I talk to you for a moment?" Michael asked, gesturing with his eyes. He wanted to speak with me privately.

We walked into the adjoining sitting room, but neither of us took a seat. How did that make any sense? A sitting room with no asses on chairs? I mean, come on. "Yeah?" I said, clutching onto my almost half empty glass.

"I just wanted to say I'm proud of you for stepping up and telling Zoey that you cheated," Michael congratulated me, as if I was supposed to be proud of myself. He had no idea how long it was going to take the guilt to wear off. Probably an eternity. "You really did what was right after all. You're back to your old safe, Chase." Michael patted me on the back, and I cleared my throat awkwardly. Not because of the encouraging slap to my shoulder blade, but because he was _so_ wrong.

"Definitely. Thanks man," I mumbled, taking a long gulp and finishing off my wine. "Got any more where that came from?" Michael grinned and we returned to the entertainment room to join Lisa.

Even though Michael wasn't pissed at me anymore, I felt bad about accepting his compliments. After all, everyone knew that I'd cheated... but not who I'd cheated_ with_.

* * *

**ii. **_Adulteress conditioned to a spin cycled submission you know sometimes it just feels better to give in...._

"Reese!" I greeted Logan, who was sitting on the same bar stool he sat on every night he came here.

"Matthews!" He shouted in return, getting up to shake my hand and slap me on the back. "How's it been going lately? I know things are different these days, so you gotta fill me in."

"Well, I don't think Zoey ever wants to see me again as long as she lives," I told him, as he ordered a Sex on the Beach for himself and a rum with coke for me.

"Annie's definitely going to grit her teeth when she sees me on TV with Quinn after we get divorced and I marry my true lady love," Logan slurred. Damn. His alcohol was so strong I could smell it on his breath. It came out in shallow puffs. At ten thirty, Logan was already completely wasted. Not even I could pull that off and I was the one with the conscience to drown.

"Of course. I mean, you were cheating, dude," I reminded him.

"And look who's talking. The hypocrite of the century, Chase Matthews."

"Yeah, whatever man. Look, what should I do if she asks me to sign the papers in a week or so?" I asked, figuring Logan would know what to do. He'd seen his dad get divorced a plethora of times, so I was sure he would know all the ropes.

"Uh... you sign the fucking papers and move the fuck on with your life," Logan said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"But... I don't think it's going to be that easy man," I admitted, rubbing my hands over my eyes. Damn. Was I totally fucked or what?

"It was that easy to cheat on her with Lola, so you're going to have to make it work, Matthews." Tracy came over with our drinks and Logan blew her a kiss. "You're my MVE – most valued employee." His words ran together, and Tracy batted her eyelashes.

"Any time," she said, before returning to her end of the bar.

"Do you know how sleazy you look, Reese?" I wondered, and Logan nodded. And kept on nodding. Taking a long slurp of his cocktail, he pointed a finger at me.

"Do I look like a give a flying fuck?" He whispered, and I held my breath. Onion juice, sweat, tears and blood all mixed together in a bowl couldn't smell – or taste – as bad as his breath.

"Nah, not really. But you _are_ plastered, which means your eyes are bloodshot and you look really pissed...."

"Can it, Matthews." Pushing the tumbler of rum and coke towards me, he heaved a great sigh. "I didn't treat you again so you could sit there and _not_ get hammered. Don't be a bitch. Take a drink and get lost, like me." Raising his glass, he smirked and emptied the rest of it into his mouth. "Seriously, if you don't take that up in a nanosecond, _I_ will drink it."

"Hell no you won't!" I shouted, snatching up the glass so fast some of the rum and coke sloshed onto my dress pants.

"Shit, Logan! Look what you made me do!" I yelled in frustration, setting down my drink and dabbing at my pants with a napkin.

"Ha! Now it looks like you pissed yourself," Logan teased. "Or got your period."

"The menstrual cycle involves blood," I said, making a face.

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" Reaching for my rum and coke, Logan smiled. He was getting ready to take a sip when I grabbed his hand.

"Seriously. I'm not your mom or your designated driver, but _no more_. You will not be able to drive home."

"That's what chaffeurs are for," Logan explained, trying to set down the glass and bite my hand at the same time. I'm pretty sure we looked like two children about to get into a fight over a popsicle or something. Not that anyone was really in here at this time. Besides, Logan seemed to always have this place rented out. I wouldn't have been surprised if he admitted to having slept with Tracy a couple of times, too.

"Okay fine, have your cake and eat it too. Just remember that Quinn hates drunks. You told me all about what happened to your father-in-law."

Setting the glass down, Logan stared me dead in the eye. "Yeah, sure. I guess."

With a sigh, I ran my hands through my thick black curls. I really needed to get a trim. Of all the things on my mind, that was the most innocent thing I could focus on. "I don't know what the hell is going on anymore!" I shouted angrily.

Logan's eyes widened and he smirked again. That same cocky upturn of the lips that he'd always revealed when someone else was feeling the most miserable they could possibly feel at one time. "Since being a dad isn't going to happen for now, you're pretty much off the hook, bro." Snapping his fingers, he smiled when Tracy brought him another Sex on the Beach. He pressed a kiss to her hand. "Thanks doll."

"Not really. I'm not sure I'm not a father," I said slowly, trying to grasp the words myself. Fuck. Was all this shit really _just_ hitting me?

"What do you mean?" Logan asked, gulping down his drink. "Wait a minute. Lola was _really_ knocked up? I thought you were just kidding!"

"I wasn't, dude. I wasn't." Now I was really freaking out. I didn't know if I was a father or not because we all know that Lola had changed a lot since PCA and slept with like three guys at once. Plus, what if she'd aborted the little bitch? Then I wouldn't have to worry about a damn thing.

"Well, have we got a real mother fucker over here!" Logan yelled, pointing to me. "He doesn't know if he's a daddy and he doesn't seem to give a shit either!"

"Shut up man," I said, running my hands up and down the nape of my neck. I hadn't exactly thought of this seriously until now. Fuck.

"Well my man, I think you need to get a DNA test or something... then come back to me," Logan suggested, taking another sip of his drink. "'Cause seriously... that's just so fucked up, _I _couldn't even trump it!" Now he was cackling, and I wanted to punch him even though he was sort of my friend. I mean, Logan Reese had actually just given me advice that I could use. What a revelation!

"I guess that's a will do," I grumbled, rising from the bar stool. I hadn't even touched the rum and coke, except to pry it out of Logan's greedy hands and he was sitting there dumping more toxic into his mouth. Now I was the hypocrite. Everything had gone wrong and it was all because of me. How could I ever redeem myself in Zoey's eyes? "I have to go."

"See ya, man!" Logan shouted, and I waved a hand at him.

I was not a happy camper.

* * *

**iii.** _And it's all too familiar, and it happens all the time. All the cards begin to stack up, twisting heartache into fine little pieces that avoid an awful crime... but it's you I can't deny...._

Pushing the thick stack of papers towards me, she mumbled, "Sign where all the exes are."

Swallowing hard, I unfolded my hands and sighed. "I wanted to talk."

"Chase, you proved yourself already. You proved what a man you _aren't_ and how much of a pussy you _are_," she spat, and I folded my hands again. Zoey could really be a bitch when she wanted to be.

"I just... I had to finally be honest with you," I tried to explain, fully aware that I sounded like an asshole.

"Yeah, thanks a lot, Chase." Turning away, Zoey tapped her freshly manicured fingers on the table top. "You really made me feel that much better by telling me every detail of your affair. I appreciate it."

"Fuck it, Zoey. I know what sarcasm is. I get it, okay? You hate me now. You have a right to, and I can accept that. You don't have to shove it in my face." Now I was upset. Zoey was really trying to claw at my heart, and I was already feeling pretty down. Of course I was still in love with her, but she didn't want to hear it.

"You know what, Chase? How about you go fuck _yourself_! Obviously being intimate with me wasn't enough for you and I think it'd be best if you stopped sticking your dick everywhere before you get an STD." Trying to mask a smirk and failing, Zoey blinked. Although she'd always been a very sweet Southern belle, now I saw the coldness, the hardness. She really didn't care about me anymore. Not after what I'd done to her.

"So you think this is funny?" I shout back, slamming my fist into the table. I'd had enough. Zoey couldn't act like we hadn't had all those good times together. She couldn't pretend that I meant nothing to her after only three weeks apart.

"It is, Chase. And you know why?" She raised her eyebrows and ran her tongue over her top lip. I didn't know why she'd be trying to seduce me, but that would never ever not turn me on. "Because you were so full of yourself you thought that I had no idea. Well buddy, I'm just not that innocent."

"Good for you, Zoey. I hope you have a nice life with that attitude." With a sigh, I began massaging my scalp. She was making this awkward and difficult on purpose and it wasn't funny.

"I hope you have a nice life after your dick shrivels up and dies," Zoey retorted, pushing the papers closer to me. "Please sign them so I can mail them back in. I want this divorce to be official by the end of the month."

"But it's the _twenty-fifth_! How the hell could that be possible?" I wondered incredulously. "And plus, are you sure about this? You kicked me out roughly three weeks ago Zoey-"

"And it was the best thing that ever happened to me," she cut in, and I stopped short. Zoey was really working hard to convince both me and herself that she was over me... over us.

We'd pretty much been a packaged deal since we were thirteen and I'd gone and fucked that all up. The thing is, I can take responsibility for my actions. I can apologize over and over and still want to apologize more. At the end of the day, Zoey made the choices about this divorce and I just obeyed and went along with it to make her happy.

A few moments passed and then Zoey rose from the table. She walked over to the cupboard where I kept all of our expensive wines. Pulling out a bottle, she returned to the table. "I don't miss you. In fact, the reason I want to get this over and done with is because someone's moving in here once your sorry ass stops showing up every other day."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I still own part of this house." Pausing to hear what'd she said echo in my mind, my jaw dropped. "Besides, who could _that _be?"

"You'll figure it out sooner or later," Zoey said, popping the cork off the bottle and grinning. Maybe alcohol was one of her demons, too. I wouldn't be surprised if she'd also kept things from me during our marriage. After all, she was the one who was always trying to refrain from asking me questions when she knew she wanted to ask them anywau. Everyone else knew she was imperfect, but for some reason she couldn't see it.

"Well, I hope you're happier with him than you were with me," I mumble in the most sarcastic way possible. "Our times together will be pretty hard to beat."

"You're not going to convince me to shred those papers with those kinds of words!" Zoey yelled, narrowing her eyes "You can recall when we first met, our first kiss, our first date, the first time we had sex, our wedding day... everything and I would just roll my eyes because you did it all in vain."

"Hold the fuck up, Zoey! You know that that is_ not_ true and I would never lie and cheat on purpose just to make you look stupid." I could feel my cheeks heating up. Zoey was really working her way under my skin.

"All those politician's wives who stand behind them smiling when they're telling America that they're gay or they've had an affair or whatever... I'm not like those women. I'm not going to stand behind you even though you've cheated." Her voice was low now. "I still love you, Chase. It's because we've been close for almost ten years. You were my first everything. And now... you've become my first big mistake." My breath caught in my throat as I watched two tears slide down both of her cheeks.

She really was not going to give me another chance. No amount of flowers, jewelry, clothes or shoes would get her to take me back. All the plans I'd had for us would never be. And it was still all because of me and my stupidity. Why did I deserve this? Everything was going so well, and now... it was just all down to shit.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," I whispered, taking the pen in my right hand and looking for all the places I had to scribble my signature. I couldn't avoid it. Zoey and I weren't even legally separated and she wanted this divorce to be final as soon as possible. I had no one to blame but myself. "I still love you, Zoey. And I always will."

She didn't look at me. She just stared at the wine bottle like it was going to start giving her answers or something. Like it could tell her what to do next. Hopefully she wouldn't use drinking to get her head straight like me. Because it usually doesn't work.

After I'm done filling out the paper work, she walks me to the door. "Goodbye Chase," she says, and I sniffle. I'm not exactly about to start bawling on our – _her_ – doorstep, but I'm close to it.

"Goodbye Zoey," I whisper, pulling her body into mine. She doesn't object. When I pull away, I kiss her long and hard on her perfect lips. Our mouths always knew what to do when they came together.

She kisses me back with the same passion and I want to kick myself in the balls. How come _she_ didn't do that? I mean, I wasn't going to ask her to, but she'd never tried to physically harm me after I told her. Damn. This was it. I turned away and I thought I heard her say, "I'll never forget you," but I wasn't sure. Maybe she was talking about forgetting something else. Maybe she wished I'd never existed.

* * *

**iv.** _A dull heat rises from the sheets, I'm both a patient boy and a jealous man. Am I coming through? My double standardized suspicion is remedied, oh my blue heaven, sometimes it just feels better to give in...._

Pressing number one on my speed dial, I am startled when I hear a female's voice answer the phone. Was this still his number? For all I knew, he changed his number once a week. "Hello? Do I have the right number?"

"Hiya! It's Annie!" Wow, Logan's wife sure was chirpy.

"Oh, my bad. Is your husband around?" I bite down on my bottom lip as she thinks about it. I had a feeling she was blonde now, even though we'd only met once and her hair was brown back then.

"That rat bastard. You're talking about Logan, right?" She wondered and I had to bite down on my lip harder to keep from laughing. Who else could she possibly be legally married to?

"Yeah, not unless you have five other husbands in the back," I joke, letting out a nervous laugh.

"No, I could never commit bigmy or adultry." She sighed. "Or whatever they're called."

"Okay, well that's good. Is Logan around?" This girl forget to answer questions rather easily.

"Actually no. He's hanging out with his friend Michael. Apparently they're looking at sports cars." I can imagine her pouting and thinking hard about everything she says. It's rather hilarious.

"Oh really? And I wasn't invited?" I'm trying to crack a joke again, let's hope she gets it.

"Apparently not," she says and giggles. "Don't be mad, though. I wasn't invited either."

"Do you and him still live together?" I wonder aloud randomly. I hope she doesn't take offense to this question, because I'm really trying to get to the bottom of something.

"No, but all his stuff is still here. I begged him for the house. And we still have sex sometimes. But only if I want something." Wow. What a confession. And over the phone? Did this chick have _any_ class?

"O-kay," I reply, licking my lips. Annie was a slut. No wonder Logan wanted to duck out the back door and just forget about her ass.

Wait a minute! Who was Logan to be laughing and calling me a hypocrite? He was fucking both Annie and Qu-

Shit, my mistake! Quinn cut off the sex until the divorce is ruled official by a judge. No wonder! He's not getting the great sex he wants, so he's going back to the old fuck he only used for pleasure. Props to him.

My thoughts are running wild. "When's the court hearing?"

"We're going to court in maybe, oh, I don't know... two months?" My jaw drops. "I heard about Logan's new girlfriend and how she's not putting out until we're officially over... so I'm trying to make sure he's not getting laid. Well, except with me."

"What about publicity? I saw you guys on_ Access Hollywood_ last night."

"Er, yeah. I told my publicist to make it seem like we're just working through a rough patch. So when we get divorced, the paparazzi will show me plenty of sympathy and just label Logan a rat bastard... which is exactly what he is."

"So why are you still sleeping with him?" I ask, hoping I get the answer I'm looking for.

"Because his dad won't have sex with me... so I figure he's the next best thing." Okay. Stop. Are my ears working? What the fuck did I just _hear_? Has Annie slept with _Malcolm_, too? He's almost _sixty_ fucking years old! What the-?

"Wow. I think that's enough of that." I hope she doesn't think I'm rude for wanting to change the subject. And I hope she doesn't assume that I'm not going to tell Logan. Because I sure will. This is some fucked up shit that he definitely needs to know about. I'm tired of hearing about other people's sex lives and not having one for myself.

"Can I take a message?"

"No, but I did want to talk to him about my wife and I," I tell her, hoping she doesn't ask any questions.

"Well, you can talk to me about it," she offers, and I wince as if I'm in pain. The way she talks about her personal life... I don't exactly trust her. I try to keep my family _out _of the tabloids.

"I know you're going through a divorce, too... but I'm not sure you can really relate-"

She interrupts me with a cough. "Sure I can. Just tell me what exactly the problem is, and I'll do my darnedest to give you a mighty fine solution."

Now she's adopted a Southern twang. Did she have a split personality, too? "Okay, so... I cheated on her. With her best friend."

"Hold the phone!" She yells, and then I laugh. "Yeah, we both are. Um, you're Chase right? The cute one with the curly black hair?"

"Sure, I guess I'm cute," I respond, and she giggles again. We could be best friends.

"I'm afraid cheating on your wife with her best friend makes you a rat bastard, too." I can picture her frowning and then staring at her nails. Bitch.

"Yeah, whatever. I kinda understand," I responded, unable to keep the edge out of my voice. No wonder Logan only wanted to fuck her when she was happy and nothing else. Just listening to her voice for five minutes would be like enduring an entire country album.

"You know what would be funny?" Annie chirped. I laughed to myself, thinking she could read my mind. What would be funny is her dying by attempting to take a whiff of a scratch-and-sniff sticker at the bottom of the fucking ocean.

"Nah, what?"

"If we got married, just for fun... you know to make Logan....?" She paused, and I figured this was an insert-name-here kind of thing.

"Zoey," I supplied.

"Yeah, right. We could get hitched to make Logan and _Zoey _jealous!" Now she was probably clapping her hands together. Thinking that I'd actually agree to this ridiculous bullshit plan and that would be it.

"Are you serious?" I sputter, even though I know she is. Why would she joke about trying to make Logan jealous? She knows she'd never find a sugar daddy as hot and Viagra-free as Logan. "I mean, using someone to get revenge is one thing... but actually getting _married_ to make your estranged spouses jealous? Now... that's just an entirely different ball game."

"Well, duh. Since I moved on so quickly and you moved on so quickly, Logan and...."

"Zoey," I mumbled.

"Yeah, right. Logan and _Zoey_ will get oh-so-totally jealous and want to find new spouses, too. Then we'll be like, oh ya know... it was all fake, get divorced within a week and they'll take us back. We'll be the happy couples we once were!" Now I see her smiling face, her bright green eyes and freckles staring back at me expectantly. This is how a six year old girl looks when she wants you to buy two cups of lemonade instead of one.

"Uh, I really don't see how that could work. I mean, getting married was something I took very seriously-"

She coughed, and I stopped short. "Um...?"

"No you didn't. You cheated on her. So much for 'til death, right?"

"Okay, you're being a hypo-"

"No, I'm not. Logan cheated on _me_." Maybe she's angry now, or getting all feminist on me, I can't tell.

"Well, just drop it, okay? Let me explain myself." When she remains silent, I continue. "Yes, getting married takes balls." She giggles.

"I don't have any...."

"Hardy har har. You're a riot."

"Don't be sarcasmic."

"I think you mean sarcastic, but just let me get to the point already!" I'm banging my hand like a gavel on my desk. This girl couldn't get any more annoying. How had Logan put up with this for a week let alone three years? "It wouldn't work because they'd probably know it was all fake, it's not that easy to get divorced - we're both going through one right now so we should know - and lastly, why would they take us back if they knew we'd gotten married after we divorced them?"

"Huh?"

"Listen, Annie, it's been nice talking to you and everything-"

"You are _not_ hanging up on me, Chase!"

"Fine, fine."

"I mean, my daddy knows great lawyers and they could arrange quickie divorces for us and take care of even the most tiniest of details."

"Sorry, Annie. I have to go."

"Wait!"

"Look, I'm not from a world with rich daddies and sugar daddies and baby daddies, okay? It's just not my scene."

"Tell your wife you're sorry."

"What?"

"Tell her you're sorry and that you never used flavored condoms with the other chick."

"What the fu-?"

"Just do it. Trust me, it always works. That's what my dad always told his new twenty-five year old girlfriend after his current wife turned forty. He's a very intelligent fellow."

"Okay, whatever you say. Bye."

"Bye!" Shutting my phone, I shook my head a little bit. It was like I'd just stepped out of a time machine or something. Had Logan's soon-to-be ex-wife really just given me decent advice?

* * *

**v.** _Is this all too familiar? 'Cause it happens all the time, I'm just askin you to hear me. Could you please, just once, just hear me? More than anything you wanted to be right, still it's you I can't deny...._

Counting up the scripts for the fifth time, I ran my hands through my hair. This job was getting more and more frustrating. I was glad I was working with seasoned veterans. If everyone in this movie was a newbie, I don't know what I'd do.

"Chase!" Someone called out to me. I recognize the rough, gravelly voice as Mr. Reese's. He was pretty old now, but of course he still gave great direction to the actors he worked with.

"Mr. Reese!" I replied heartily, turning around to shake his hand and slap him on the shoulder. "How have things been going?"

"Fine, just fine. Vienna and I aren't splitting up after all." Nodding slowly, I tried to count up all the divorces he'd gone through in my head. Surely Logan would know... or maybe he'd lost track, too.

"That's great. Um, about the set-"

"I heard that you and Zoey are going through some marital problems yourselves," he cut in.

"Here you go, Malcolm." An assistant came by holding a tray of coffees. He took two off and handed one to me. I had no idea how that girl called him by his first name like that. I was always so afraid that if I did he would stick his hand out and strangle me in about five seconds, and I'm the _producer_.

"Yeah, about that-" I began, but he's known for saying what he wants to, when he wants to. Hmm, like father like son, huh?

"Step into my office, will ya?" He ushered me into one of his three offices and closed the door behind us. "So tell me. What's up?"

"Look, it's really nothing. I mean, it's already too late to save."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, we were going through some problems because another woman got involved, but I already signed the papers and I'm pretty sure she's already mailed them off."

"Did you ask her?"

"What?" I looked up at him. "No. Why would I?"

"Then how do you know she's mailed them off already?" Leaning forward in the chair behind his desk, Malcolm reached into his candy jar and pulled out a butterscotch toffee. "Chase, you have to think about what being a man means to you. It should mean getting what you want and having the balls to deal with your mistakes."

Boy, how many times had I heard that one from the boss himself? Yes sir. I understand that quite well. It's just-"

"Falling in love is hard, so falling out of love can't be easy, right?" I thought the question was rhetorical, but he widened his eyes and bowed his head at me so I cleared my throat.

"I guess so."

"Then tell me, why haven't you tried to get it across to her that you're still in love with her?"

"I have, sir. Trust me, I have. But she won't hear the positive things anymore. She can't get over the fact that I lied to her and cheated on her and told her I was never planning for our baby."

"Look, I _am_ very sorry about the baby. But...." He held up an index finger. "Don't you think she has a _right_ to be this upset with you?"

"Of course she does. I was a terrible husband to her, we barely saw each other these last couple of months, I was screwing another chick, getting plastered with-" This time I cut myself off. I didn't know whether or not Mr. Reese knew about his son's drinking problem. I couldn't drag Logan into this and expose him like that. It wouldn't be right. He'd been a great friend to me in the last couple of weeks.

Mr. Reese raised his eyebrows. "So drinking was involved, too?"

"Yeah, I developed an alcohol problem... sort of. But I'm not really an alcoholic. I only crave it when a lot of shit is happening in my life."

"Hmm," Mr. Reese said softly, putting a finger to his chin. "Sounds a lot like Logan with his wife."

"Yeah, we've been talking more lately because of our similar situations."

"That's good to know that you and Logan have been friends for such a long time," Mr. Reese said. "But Logan isn't the greatest example. I knew he always loved Quinn, but he always goes back and makes a choice that he should have made in the first place."

"I understand that, Mr. Reese. But we all make mistakes and live to regret them, ya know?"

"Sure, it's true. But you know what I think you should do, Chase?"

"What?" I asked, hoping it wasn't something negative.

"I think you should apologize to your wife again and see what she says. Remind her of why she fell in love with you in the first place." I nodded slowly, already knowing that that would never work. Zoey was already sleeping with another guy, she really _was_ over me.

"I'll try," I agreed, trying not to make my voice sound too deflated. Who was Malcolm to give me marital advice? He'd only walked down the aisle six plus times.

"You know, I always saw potential in you. Mainly after that filmmaking contest in your sophomore year."

I chuckled. "What, were you so pissed that I kicked your son's ass that you started to like me?"

"No, it wasn't that. I just saw your unique, raw talent. And how you captured emotion so easily. I fell in love."

Weird... but okay. "Erm, thanks."

"And right after that I got divorced again. That was my last failed marriage. I figured I'd put Logan and his siblings through enough. All of the different step-moms and half siblings that came into play gave them a distorted view on family life."

"Yeah, that's true," I said, even though I had no idea what it was like to deal with divorce at such a young age. My parents are still married.

"I finally made the choice to settle down... _for real_." Ha! Guys only did that kind of shit when there was great sex involved.

"That's great. I'm happy for you and....?"

"Vienna," he supplied, starting to laugh. I was prepared to jump up and pat him on the back in case he started wheezing. Ew. He probably had Viagra in his briefcase.

Just then, his cell phone buzzed. Checking to see who was calling him, he rose from his chair and I did the same. "Well Mr. Matthews, I'm glad we got to have this nice little chat."

"Yeah me too, Mr. Reese." I shook his hand again and smiled wide. He'd always said one of his favorite things was a Crest white smile.

"You're doing so great on this movie right now; I'm loving how it's coming together!" He pumped his fist in the air and I cringed. People stopped doing that after Howard Dean ruined it.

"Thanks sir."

"So, I'm offering you another producing job."

"What? That's amazing!" I said, feeling my face light up. Was he serious?

"Yep, I don't care what Logan says. He was always jealous of you." He winked at me, and I kept quiet. I didn't want to say the wrong thing.

"Thank you so much, Mr. Reese!" I pulled him into a father/son type hug and I felt him smiling over my shoulder. He had a really long chin.

"No problem, Chase. And don't forget to do what I told you," he reminded me after he pulled out of the hug.

"Sure thing," I agreed, and left his office so he could take the call. Maybe my life wasn't over after all.

* * *

**vi.** _We swing and we sway as this tiny voice in my head starts to sing, "You're safe child, you are safe, You're safe child, you are safe"...._

Ringing the doorbell I shoved my hands deep into my pockets, I bowed my head. I hadn't seen her since that last time we'd had sex and she'd told me she thought she was pregnant. Now I was going to find out if I was really possibly a father or not.

I heard footsteps and then the door swung open. Now that I was single, she looked more beautiful than ever. She'd died her hair black, and her features looked more striking. Maybe she'd had some kind of surgery done. But wasn't she too young for Botox....?

"Uh, hi," I said, waving at her.

"Hello Chase," she whispered, as if she was ashamed. Maybe she didn't want to see me. Maybe she'd rather be a single mother. She motioned for me to come inside, so I did.

Shrugging out of my coat, I put it on a hanger in the closet and rubbed my palms up and down my jeans. "So... where's the kid?"

"Our son is upstairs sleeping. His nap is almost over, so I guess I can go get him."

"Are you absolutely positively sure it's mine?" I asked, biting down on my bottom lip.

I looked down and saw that her fists were clenched. She probably wanted to slap me, but she just turned and began walking towards the staircase.

Taking a seat on the couch, I studied the pictues on the wall. Lola modeling or whatever, pictures of her with celebusluts, Dustin... Gosh, he probably wished I was dead right now. Fucking his sister over like that. Her and Vince... wait, what the-? That one looked recent!

She came back downstairs holding the baby in her arms. She approached me slowly, and once I got a good look I knew. The jet black curls, the hazel eyes with obvious flecks of green.... I took him in my arms. He opened his eyes wider and I sucked in a breath. My bottom lip began trembling, so I bit down on the inside of my cheek.

I'll never forget when Zoey came and told me she'd gotten her period. She was already four months along and I never thought she'd miscarry. She was relaxing a lot, eating right, taking her pills... I was just shocked. Our child was never meant to be. And now we'd never have a child together and instead I was the father of Lola's baby. Life really was unfair.

"Um... what's his name?" My throat was dry, but I didn't want to ask for anything to drink.

"Alexander Martinez," she told me, "or Alejandro in Spanish."

"What about... my name?"

"Look Chase, you weren't fucking_ there_. At_ all_. You came to see me once when I was pregnant and that was after Zoey...." Her voice dropped, and I looked away. She and Zoey were still friends as far as I knew. "That wasn't until after Zoey lost the baby."

"This is my son." I swallowed hard. "He needs Matthews in his name somehow. Can't you at least add it on?"

"I'll have to think about it." I began rocking him in my arms and she turned on the TV. "I know you told her."

"Excuse me?"

"I know you told her that you cheated... but not with me," she said, leaning back into the couch.

"Yeah, I did. And we're getting divorced." She clears her throat rather loudly.

"I know. I saw it on _Entertainment Tonight_."

"When was the last time you talked to Zoey?" I wondered, watching my little boy curl and uncurl his fingers.

"When was the last time_ you_ talked to Zoey?" She shot back, so I figured she didn't want to answer the question.

"Um, since we're parents of this little boy... maybe you'd be willing to give me another chance. I mean, it'd be easier on us if we tried to have an actual relationship instead of just sex. And it'd be easier for him, growing up with both of us and not having to worry about going to mommy's house and daddy's house." I grinned, and played with some of his curls. After all, I was the one who had passed them on to him.

"While you were busy being a husband again, Dustin got a real girlfriend. And then I got my real boyfriend back... Vince called." I looked up and fixed my eyes on her, but she wouldn't look at me.

"And....?"

"He explained a lot and asked me for another chance. And I took him back. We're actually about to move in together." Shaking my head, I pressed a hand to my forehead. How had all this happened so fast?

"Um, that's... great," I said, not really meaning it. After all, I was the one who was going to be left out in the cold now. Lola had a boyfriend and I was a soon-to-be divorced father of a bastard child. Great, just great.

"Look I know about you and Zoey, and how hard it's probably been on you...." She trailed off, biting down on her lower lip.

"It's okay, you don't have to pretend to feel sorry for me." I knew I sounded bitter, but I couldn't help myself. Six months ago, I'd had the best of both worlds. A woman who could please me between the sheets and another who could be my best friend and everlasting companion. Now I wasn't going to be getting my brains screwed out or my hand held in public. I had no one.

"Chase, don't be upset. I... I want you to know that I hope we can still be friends," Lola said softly, muting the television. Her own face was on it, and all I could do was avoid her eyes. Now they looked pitch black for some reason, like they could swallow me if I stared too hard.

"I don't really know, Lola. I mean, you don't want my son-"

"He's not _your_ son, Chase."

"Yes he is, Lola! I helped create him. Without my sperm, he wouldn't be here." I thought I saw her blush, and then I remembered how immature she'd always been. We were not in seventh grade health class, but she was sure making me feel like we were.

"You never acted like it before. Why did you wait six fucking months to come see him if you cared so much?" Her voice cracked on the last word and then I realized how angry she was. Her eyes shone with angry tears. "I mean, it's probably better if you stay away from him... from us. Vince is moving in, and he's already been around him more than you have."

"What the hell does that mean? That I don't have the right to be in my son's life just because _you_ say so?"

"Chase, you came in here and what was the first question you asked? If he was your son in the first place! Don't act like you're a good person because you fessed up about me to Zoey and Michael and whoever the hell else! You were just as bad as I was, using somebody for sex like that!"

"Lola, you know what? I think you oughta-" I stopped short as the baby started to cry. He wailed and began wriggling my arms.

"I think I deserve all the rights when I was the one who carried him, gave birth to him, and has been taking care of him for the past half a year!" She took him from me and rushed into the kitchen, presumably to make him a bottle.

Leaning back, I stare up into the ceiling. Everything had been turned upside down in a matter of hours, days, weeks, months. She was the one that had started this and she knew it. This was in no way my fault. After she came back into the living room, she held Alexander in her lap. "So, when do I get to see him?"

"Um, Chase. I'm not sure if that's the best idea. He's used to Vince and you're just no kind of example."

"Are you saying this because you're not sure I'm the father?"

"No, Chase. Get it through your thick skull! I wasn't fucking Vince when I was fucking you. I learned. You were a mistake." Zoey's words exactly. "I want my son to grow up with a wonderful father figure who will always be there for him. You stray at the slightest bit of discomfort. I can actually trust Vince. You, I'm not so sure about."

"That's not the point, Lola! The fact is, we had a sexual relationship, you got pregnant... and I am the father. You already said you're sure of that? So what else is there to discuss?"

"I just... don't see what you have to offer Alexander. He needs a positive male role model in his life. That's just not you, Chase."

"Whatever, Lola. I can always just take you to court. You know that what you're spewing is ridiculous."

"Chase, you're just bitter 'cause nobody gives a shit about you anymore."

"Gosh, just shut up Lola. Let_ me_ say something for once." I was surprised when she remained silent. I had a feeling it was because she didn't want the baby to start crying again because of our yelling. "Why didn't you just have an abortion? I would have given you the money."

"That just solidifies my disdain for you. How can someone _just_ have an abortion? That kind of decision actually takes time to make, ya know. You see, I actually have a backbone. I don't need to stand behind anybody else in life. I say what needs to be said, when it needs to be said. I knew I had to be strong, even when you avoided me. I knew I'd feel hypocritical afterwards if I killed my child because of selfishishness. Like because I realized I hated you. Deep down, I was sure that I was going to be a good mother beause I'd learned so many lessons through getting pregnant in the first place. I knew this child would inherit my wisdom. I knew this child would be in good hands with me. Because I'm strong and I don't crack under pressure. He doesn't need you Chase."

After her little rant was done, I sighed. "I just wanted to know why you felt the need to put yourself through pain to be a mother when you didn't have to."

"Don't you understand, Chase? I didn't care about your money, your life, or anything about you. I did this all for this little guy right here." She patted Alexander lightly on the head. "This wasn't about me at all."

"So what about child support arrangements?" I shrugged my shoulders and sat up straight in the chair.

"Well, like you said, we can handle all of that in court, right?" I nodded slowly, staring at my son. I wasn't sure if I still wanted to get a paternity test done. He was probably really my child. I was just too afraid to admit it.

Lola rose from the couch. "I'm going to go refill his bottle." As soon as she walked into the kitchen, the doorbell rang. I wasn't sure what to do, so I just sat there. "Chase, can you get that?" She yelled, so I walked over to the door and swung it open.

Standing before me was Zoey, her mouth agape. She looked into my eyes, and I stared right back. Lola walked towards the door to see who it was. She was cradling Alexander in her arms. The black curls, the eyes, me and Lola... everything. Her face crumpled up into a ball and she turned around and ran down the stairs. For some reason, I didn't run after her. I didn't turn to look at Lola, either. At that moment, I was sure Zoey knew.

I never anticipated my life would turn out to resemble a soap opera, but here I was the dashing bastard of a leading man.

**End.**

* * *

I know this wasn't what you guys were expecting, but I had to shake things up a bit. It had to be tragic. This would have been up last Sunday, but I was typing and then lost some information when I was almost done so I needed time to recapture all that was going on. I hope you enjoyed it! Please review and tell me your thoughts.


End file.
